How diffrent it is!

As I sit online and research autism it does occur to me that people are telling the whole story with their videos. Or maybe it is that each person is different. I was told before Sam was born that she would be a special child but I am not sure this is what was meant. I see the videos of the children who are spinning and flapping and the kids who are not able to speak. Never knowing or seeing the extent to what Sam is dealing with. My only goal is to eventually figure this out and make sure she is able to grow up and overcome any obstacles in her way. When I think about when she was first diagnosed I did that thing that I told myself I was not going to do and I froze up and was terrified! Imagine all the information that was swimming around in my head. Information about what to do, what was wrong, what was not to blame but no reason for why this was happening? I struggled to understand the difference this would make but in all reality I was in major denial. I thought this was something that if we worked through it would be gone really soon. However when it became worse this is when it settled in and became a real issue for me to swallow. It took over a year for me to fully understand what I was dealing with. More specifically what Sam would be dealing with? I felt incredibly saddened by this. There were a few days, and I won’t lie, that I wanted to cry when I thought about how long term this was really going to be. Saddened to think that she might be struggling to understand and there is nothing that can bridge that gap of understanding each other. My heart filled with sadness as I came to realization that no matter what she would truly be different! My heart leapt at the thought of possible hope but that would take years and a lot of work on both parts. What a challenge that had been presented. I have always heard God will not give a person more than they can handle but sometimes the initial shock of a situation can become a real eye opener to the challenges one does face. Am I game? Am I ready for this? No, I will never be ready but it has been given to me and I will try everything I can to make sure she is taken care of and becomes whatever she needs to become. I will lift her high and make sure she knows that she can do anything and become anyone. She can overcome anything with faith, hope and perseverance. This is something that will be drilled into her head and something she will have no choice but to notice, she is someone really special and really loved, not just by me but by the whole family and even people she meets know this! I can only imagine and wait and see what the next few years will bring. So far I have been amused by her with her quirky ways. She tells the most detailed stories and even picks up on things that we do not directly relate or communicate to her. She is so funny! You can tell when she doesn’t understand something because her eye brows get flat and she gets this look in here eyes that she is seriously confused. This past Christmas she didn’t understand why all the Christmas trees were gone from the outdoor sales tents on Christmas day. When I told her people bought them and took them home to decorate and enjoy for Christmas, she gave that look. I then tried to explain that people needed them so that Santa could bring those toys and put them under the tree, like the tree we have at home. She just focused on the trees being “missing”. She had seen them being sold on street corners when we drove around town and now to see them no longer there didn’t settle right with her. She became sad about this. It was cute that she was concerned about where the trees went but she still didn’t understand why. Now that Christmas is over and people took down decorations, she thinks they hate Christmas. We had to then explain in only comes once a year. Now she keeps asking if Easter is the next holiday. Daddy tried to explain that Easter is not for a few more months and that Valentines Day is next, coming in February along with Mommy’s birthday. She now asks when Valentines Day is coming.