Things in Life

Sometimes it is all about how you view the things in life. Sometimes you might view something as good or sometimes you might view something as bad. It depends on what mechanism we use to dissect and analyze what we have. Sometimes by doing this we are able to cope, see better and learn more. Sam has taught me many things. Going with the flow is the biggest thing I will ever learn. If it works don’t try to fix it. Knowing it is what it is can help. I have a long way to go to heal and get back on track. My body is weak and weary and I am constantly sick. All the planning, organizing, analyzing and research I have done is waiting because I am so tired I cannot do anything with it or myself. I want so bad to jump out of this hole of despair and get back on track, get back to my life. But I know I will and can never get back to MY life because my life is not my own anymore it is HER life. I live each day for HER, research for HER, learn for HER. Why? Because without me she might not be able to grow or learn or further her own life. For now I am her voice, her advocate, her deciding factor when she cannot pick what shoes to wear. I keep going each day hoping to get stronger. Sometimes I wonder if I can physically take it anymore, if my body might give out or betray me in some other way. But I keep going and keep trying. I know that someday it will be better and that someday I will be very happy with the life I worked so hard for. Someday, but not today. Today I am tired, weak, in pain, annoyed, pissed, angry, sad and just plain bored. All in all the things in life are what you make of them. All of them. No matter what anyone says, we are the creators of our own world. If we are sad it is because we allow ourselves to be sad. So for today I am allowing myself to feel awful and tired because I know it will not last. I WILL create a better future and the things in MY life will be for ME!